Håndtere avvisning

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"Rejection is not failure. It's redirection."

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Jeg vet hva som menes med avvisning

Avvisning vil si at en person takker nei til/avslår et tilbud/forslag/idé fra en annen person.

Jeg kjenner de forskjellige dimensjonene for avvisning

Avvisning kan oppstå i ulike kontekster og på forskjellige måter. Her er noen av de vanlige dimensjonene for avvisning:

  1. Emosjonell avvisning: Dette innebærer at en person føler seg avvist eller uønsket på et følelsesmessig nivå. Det kan oppstå når noen ignorerer eller avviser en annen persons følelser, behov eller ønsker.

  2. Sosial avvisning: Dette skjer når en person blir ekskludert fra en sosial gruppe eller føler seg utenfor. Det kan skje på skolen, arbeidsplassen eller i andre sosiale settinger.

  3. Intellektuell avvisning: Dette kan forekomme når noen ikke anerkjenner eller verdsetter en annens intellektuelle kapasitet, ideer eller meninger. Det kan oppstå i akademiske diskusjoner, arbeidsmiljøer eller andre situasjoner der intellektuell innsikt er viktig.

  4. Romantisk avvisning: Dette skjer når en person avvises romantisk av noen de er tiltrukket av eller har følelser for. Det kan være gjensidig eller ensidig avvisning, og det kan føre til følelsesmessig smerte og sorg.

  5. Profesjonell avvisning: Dette kan skje når en person blir avvist i arbeidslivet, for eksempel ved å bli avslått for en jobbsøknad, oppleve misnøye eller mistillit fra kolleger eller ikke få anerkjennelse for sitt arbeid.

  6. Kulturell avvisning: Dette kan skje når en person blir avvist eller diskriminert på grunn av sin kulturelle bakgrunn, etnisitet, religion eller lignende. Det kan føre til følelser av marginalisering og fremmedgjøring.

  7. Selvavvisning: Dette er en indre dimensjon av avvisning der en person føler seg avvist eller ikke akseptert av seg selv. Det kan være knyttet til dårlig selvfølelse, lav selvtillit eller indre konflikter.

Det er viktig å merke seg at disse dimensjonene ikke er gjensidig utelukkende, og at avvisning kan være kompleks og multifasettert. En person kan oppleve ulike former for avvisning samtidig eller i ulike situasjoner.

Jeg vet hvordan mennesker opplever avvisning 3

According to Lori Gottlieb, M.F.T., psychotherapist and author of "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone", our need for connection traces way back to ancient history, when humans relied on being in groups to survive. "When somebody rejects us, there's a very primal piece to it, which is that it goes against everything we feel like we need for survival," Gottlieb explains.

Beyond an evolutionary standpoint, our response to rejection also depends on something called our attachment styles, or the models in which we develop our relationships with other people.

People who interact with their caregivers in a healthy way as infants, Becker-Phelps says, usually develop a secure attachment style in which they view themselves as being worthy and lovable — but those with insecure attachment styles come to generally view themselves as unlovable, unworthy, and inadequate.

It's no wonder, then, that some of us have a harder time getting through rejection — as Becker-Phelps explains, our need of connection is wired into us right from birth!

If a recent rebuff feels like a wound, that's because your brain thinks it is one.

A University of Michigan study of Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) scans found that rejection actually activates the same parts of our brain as physical pain does. This suggests an evolutionary advantage to experiencing rejection as pain, according to Guy Winch, psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts.

"This phenomenon is a legacy of our hunter-gatherer past, when we lived in nomadic tribes," Winch says. Back when a person couldn't survive alone without their tribe, "rejection served as an early warning system that alerted us we were in danger of being ostracized—of being ‘voted off the island’."

"Those who experienced rejection as more painful paid more attention to correcting their behavior than those who didn't," Winch continues. Thus, they were able to stay in the fold and protect their lives (and those of their future progeny). "Over many generations, experiencing rejection as painful had a survival advantage, and our brains became wired with this default response."

Jeg forstår hva som kan få folk til å avvise andre

Det kan være mange grunner til at en person (avviseren) velger å avvise en annen (tilbyderen). De fleste er faktorer som er utenfor tilbyderens kontroll.

Se årsakene beskrevet i ferdighetssettet for avvisningsårsaker.

Jeg kan prosessere avvisning 5

Rather than suppress, ignore, or deny the pain, mentally strong people acknowledge their emotions. They admit when they're embarrassed, sad, disappointed, or discouraged. They have confidence in their ability to deal with uncomfortable emotions head-on, which is essential to coping with their discomfort in a healthy manner.

Whether you've been stood up by a date or turned down for a promotion, rejection stings. Trying to minimize the pain by convincing yourself--or someone else--it was "no big deal" will only prolong your pain. The best way to deal with uncomfortable emotions is to face them head-on.


You've had your hopes dashed. Maybe you've learned your crush wasn't mutual, or your friend has stopped accepting your calls. This can evoke a complicated knot of feelings, and identifying each one can kick off the recovery process.

"Accept the fact that you’re a human being with emotions and allow time to feel what you’re feeling," says Dr. Pam Garcy, psychologist and certified life coach. "There’s an expression that 'the easiest way out is through.' Sometimes allowing yourself to have your feelings leads them to slowly reduce in intensity."

To remind yourself that you haven't been completely shunned by the world, spend some quality time with friends and family, and make sure that you're still feeling truly connected with other people around you.

"Connection is so important because it reminds us of all the things that we can't remember in that moment: It reminds us of how lovable we are...that people care about us...that we're worthy," Gottlieb says.

Even if you can't actually spend time with a loved one at the moment, try taking some time to just think of someone who's important in your life. In fact, you can even find a picture of them — preferably a photo of you two enjoying your time together — and set some time to look at it each day while reminding yourself that this person supports you.

"Sometimes by repeating that and seeing the pictures, you start to take it inside and then you kind of carry it in your heart more strongly," says Becker-Phelps. "So when a difficult situation comes up and you feel rejected, you can go back to the image of that person — even just in your mind — and feel comforted by them because you've been practicing feeling comforted."

We tend to beat ourselves up over the things that might have led us to be rejected, but this habit inevitably causes us to feel worse. "The first thing a lot of people do when they get rejected is to be unkind to themselves, and they start coming up with all kinds of ideas about what's wrong with them," Gottlieb notes.

Instead of constantly thinking about what might have gone wrong and dwelling on these negative emotions (a process called rumination), Gottlieb recommends looking at the situation more objectively and asking yourself if there's anything you can learn from the experience — and doing so with compassion towards yourself.


Drown out your harsh inner critic by repeating helpful mantras that will keep you mentally strong.

"The most important thing we need to do to heal the emotional wound rejection creates is to revive our self-esteem by focusing on what we do bring to the table, whether the rejection was by a romantic partner, a prospective employer, or a neighbor," Winch says.

Making a list of positive qualities you know you already possess can curb negative self-talk after the ego blow, and help you to bounce back sooner.

Winch uses the example of a job rejection: "We might list our strong work ethic, responsibility, reliability, our steep learning curve, etc." Next, choose one of these qualities and write a paragraph or two about the times previous employers saw the value in it, and why another will again in the future.

"By writing, we remind ourselves on a deep level that we are, and can be, a valuable employee," Winch says. "Doing this exercise is a way of self-affirming our worth."

Jeg lar ikke avvisning bremse meg 2

If there's one important skill to learn from rejection, it's that you should never let it stop you from your future endeavors — getting rejected is just an inevitable part of life, after all, and every single successful person has experienced it at one time or another (yes, even people like Oprah Winfrey and J.K. Rowling!).

So the next time you're turned down for a date or don't get that job you applied to, remind yourself that rejection happens to everyone — and instead of allowing yourself to be devastated and beat down, ask yourself what you can do going forward. Says Gottlieb: "The most important thing is to not sit in the rejection, but to say, is there anything I can learn from this experience? And then what can I do moving forward? Where can I go?"


If you let rejection stop you, you'll never find the people and opportunities that do want everything you have to offer.

According to Garcy, "Sales people are sometimes good role models, using simple phrases like, 'Next!' to prevent themselves from dwelling in the rejection. Social learning theory encourages you to model after someone who is good at bouncing back. "

That someone might be your perpetually unsinkable friend—or it might be you, after blasting the most empowering Ariana Grande and Lizzo anthems on your playlist.

Jeg tar ikke avvisning personlig 4

Mentally strong people don't make sweeping generalizations when they're rejected. If one company turns them down for a job, they don't declare themselves incompetent. Or, if they get rejected by a single love interest, they don't conclude they're unlovable. They keep rejection in proper perspective.

One person's opinion, or one single incident, should never define who you are. Don't let your self-worth depend upon other people's opinions of you. Just because someone else thinks something about you, doesn't mean it's true.

Jeg ser de positive aspektene ved avvisning 2

Mentally strong people know that rejection serves as proof that they're living life to the fullest. They expect to be rejected sometimes, and they're not afraid to go for it, even when they suspect it may be a long shot.

If you never get rejected, you may be living too far inside your comfort zone. You can't be sure you're pushing yourself to your limits until you get turned down every now and then. When you get rejected for a project, passed up for a job, or turned down by a friend, you'll know you're putting yourself out there.

Mentally strong people ask themselves, "What did I gain from this?" so they can learn from rejection. Rather than simply tolerate the pain, they turn it into an opportunity for self-growth. With each rejection, they grow stronger and become better.

Whether you learn about areas in your life that need improvement, or you simply recognize that being turned down isn't as awful as you imagined, rejection can be a good teacher. Use rejection as an opportunity to move forward with more wisdom.